free money

It seems crazy that I have had this blog for more than 2 months. I didn't think I would end up writing at all. Not that I really get any traffic here. I only have 1 decent backlink which brings in a couple of hits a day. The rest of the small amount of traffic I get is from random sources. I know that my writing sucks, and I don't really provide any reason for someone to come back and read again. I don't anticipate changing it any time soon though... sorry

random II

I am so sad right now i don't want to keep feeling this way. sometimes it is all i can do to make it through the next 15 mins. i don't want to work. i don't want to talk to other people at work especially, what a pain. why do they still pay me, why am i still considered to be at a level that they wouldn't fire me. it seems insane, i almost wish i was laid off. actually i do wish it. i don't want to have to look for a new job but being forced might be a good thing. can i keep this up forever, will i make it to 65 and find out that i have fooled them for all this time, can i survive it mentally and physically. it doesn't seem possible but it must be like doing anything that takes 30+ years.. a day, an hour, a task at a time. I am so sad and anxious at times i just want to cease to exist, i don't want to kill myself i just want to cease to exist, i think of when i was younger and i had such intense mental struggles, i guess i was able to make it through school and had some friends, i was able to make it through college and get married and have kids, all this time being horrible depressed and anxious. i wonder if i have just fallen away from the path i was meant to follow, am i a lost case??? i don't believe that i am but i don't have any clue as to how to keep going, will my wife end up just hating me, sometimes she already does, she is depressed as much or more than i am, i expect her to keep going, i expect myself to keep going as well. who cares, i remember really identifying with existentialism in school, i know i need to care and believe that what i do actually matters but most of time i don't, most of the time I just don't do what i know is right, i don't have the energy, I'm not talking about doing really bad things, but just not doing the simple things that i know I should be doing, i probably waste 90% of the time that i am at work, some weeks it is closer to 100%, i guess there have been a few weeks where i have been able to make it to 75% to 80% but that is not often at all, i am listening to sunshine and summertime by faith hill, it is really good, i would buy it from amazon as an mp3 right now but i can't find it, i guess it is better that i don't since i am in massive debt and i don't really like to buy music anyway... i just want this small moment to last where i like this song and things don't seem so bad, i really hate writing... it is horrible, not as bad as public speaking but still horrible.. why do i worry so much about what i say, write.. that is really the reason i hate it.. because i think too much about what i am thinking and i worry what others will think... i know most of it is just crap... i can't say just some stupid crap to people in words or writing it really just hurts too much. anyway i am going to post this now...

Great Hoax

The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss has just revealed that Tim hasn't been actually writing any of his posts. I imagine this is going to cause a bit of a backlash, but after a few seconds of thought I guess I don't really care. If I enjoyed any of his posts then good, it doesn't really matter who wrote them. There are so many famous people who don't actually write their books, does anyone care... no, otherwise it wouldn't be done.

UPDATE:
Tim called april fool's ! He was just a day early. He does actually write his own blog.

The weather is so nice

The weather is so nice outside today. I love spring. I hope that we can get more done in our backyard this year. We need to redo the grass, pour a concrete patio, and finish off the side yards with rock. It is going to be a lot of work but it has been long overdue.

Random Thoughts

Do you think we get so bored in this day and age because we have access to an endless supply of entertainment and information via the internet/tv?

I wonder how people 100 years ago thought of boredom. Would people re-read books multiple times? Did people work so hard that they didn't have much time for entertainment. Did families entertain each other with conversation, etc.

Will things only get worse?

I hope that we can take some time to think and meditate on what we fill our days with.

Thoughts

I find it very strange that so many people can make money on the internet from nothing. Heather Armstrong and Steve Pavlina come to mind first. I am sure there are many others that I don't know about. It seems that just the extremely large number of people bored on the internet clicking on random ads make all of this possible. Doesn't make much sense to me. Then again there is a lot that doesn't jive with my very analytical mind, so it shouldn't be that strange to me at all.